she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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