Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
