They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
