I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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