Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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