I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
