Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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