you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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