OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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