I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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