My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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