you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
