He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
