Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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