Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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