U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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