Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
