so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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