a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
