I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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