Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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