Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
