I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
