I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
