He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
