she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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