I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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