id be glad to
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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