Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
