There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
