and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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