your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
