worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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