dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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