There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
