just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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