Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
