did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
