bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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