Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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