Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
