Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
