I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
