could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
