It's Friday. Sex?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
