But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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