i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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