is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
