who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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