you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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