next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
