I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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