so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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