I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
