He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm bleeding and have questions
I forget how to act sober
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
